Why is it difficult for me now though? I used to blog regularly – I even blog twice a week when I was just starting way back years ago, and I blog very timely! Now it’s like a burden and I can’t even write on current. 95% of the time, my blogs are very late and when I say late, it means several months late, or a year late or even years late. Crazy.
An email message from my blog hosting account was sent to me weeks ago reminding me of my annual payment for it and I paused for a minute – wait, what? It has been a year already?? You mean, 12 months have already passed and I have just blogged just exactly five posts? I thought that time when I bought my own domain that I’ll be more excited to fill it with all my stories to share.
Life takes its toll on me and messed me up big time – it hadn’t been easy for the past several months (or the past three years) and I have only just started standing up from all the battles thrown at me, happening one after another. You can say that I should also think that everyone’s facing different life issues too on a daily basis. So who am I to complain, right? I totally get it. I understand. And these past months (or yrs), I have learned quite a few things.
In the years that passed, life lessons accumulated from those challenges I went through. I’ve learned to calm down a bit and lessen up my worries and anxiety most especially to things I have no control over – bad days, negative and toxic people, and even small things like crazy weather and internet interruptions, etc. I’ve learned that (as cliche as it is) not everyone will really understand you and we all have different personalities and perceptions to everything so we should learn to respect (although since day 1, that has been already wired to my personality).
I have also learned that not everything everyone says are meant to be taken personally because there might be the slightest chance that they don’t mean it or they aren’t even referring to you or it’s not even that big a deal. I’ve also taken a chill pill and have studied how to keep myself calm despite anxiety attacks and when my illness starts to get to my nerves again.
And I’ve learned that it is okay not to be okay for a while. I always remind myself – “This too shall pass”.
I certainly know it will not be easy as fuck for me with all these things going on but I believe I’m slowly progressing. I’m getting there. Not yet 100% but at least I’m moving forward.
Speaking of my anxiety and worries, I found myself buying some self-help books to help me get through and one of those is this one below. I have already started reading it and it was so much fun and witty and I could not wait to finish it and finally be able to give fewer fucks to those unnecessary things.
Oh hey, I apologize as well for (if ever there is) someone who might read this and feels like my words are all over the place. I’m just really throwing all my thoughts into words right now.
This dark feeling has been sitting so heavy on my heart for years now. And I need to take a step closer to become a better version of myself.
On a lighter note, I hope to have more dose of positivity and a peace of mind and less worrying about life. More blog updates coming in 3.. 2.. 1! 🙂